You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
