I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
