I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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