Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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