I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
