so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
