you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
