Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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