I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
