I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
