Pappa wants mamma naked
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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