I'm eating all of the evidence.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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