Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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