Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
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