My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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