I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Randomize
