i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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