Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
do herpes really smell.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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