turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize