smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I need moral support for this bender
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
