don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
