if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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