On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just cut my nipple shaving
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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