I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
