It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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