Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
