Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize