and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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