i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
