At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
