I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
