My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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