Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
