Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
