I hope mine doesn't look like that
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
