can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize