I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
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