I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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