he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
