is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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