I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize