I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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