It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Randomize
