I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
