I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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