its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
