Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
