How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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