i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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