Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
