when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
is wine microwaveable?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I could fuck to npr.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
