I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
