Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
