when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
