Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
