So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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