i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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