Banned from zoo.
Again?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
