I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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