i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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