You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize