i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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