Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
