I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
