next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize