I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
