How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
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