Buhtt sex?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
