i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize