my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
