and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
