He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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