I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
