Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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