I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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