I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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