You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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