I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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