I'm jealous of your bromance
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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