I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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