Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
