I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize