8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
