too bad you live with your parents still
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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