I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize