maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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