I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
