Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Terrible idea I love it
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
