I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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