If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
