Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
