For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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