How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
