Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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