Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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