Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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