I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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