Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
