you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Welp...herpes.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
My ass is underappreciated
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
