3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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